Finding Balance
by BarbaraKaterina
Summary: Sequel to Gradually Falling. Follows Spock's and Uhura's relationship as it develops aboard the Enterprise. Spans from the end of the 2009 film to the end of STID. Deals with the rest of the crew quite a bit too. /-/-/ Uhura now has her dream job as well as her dream man. All that remains to be seen is whether the life of her dreams is going to be all she dreamed it to be...
1. Chapter 1

AN: So, this is the sequel. The bad news is, I'm going to be updating slightly less often than I did with Gradually Falling – I don't have as much as the rough draft finished, which makes me nervous, and I need some time to catch up and make some sense of the story. And school's going to start soon enough. So it's going to be every four days for now, and we will see whether that works out.

I still don't own this. All of the OCs I could argue to know have been killed off, so...yeah. Starting with a clean shield, you could say. Plenty of time to create more OCs to kill. Apparently, being an OC in my story is tantamount to being a red shirt in canon...

Enough distraction. Enjoy!

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At the end of her first ever proper shift aboard the Enterprise, Nyota rose to be relieved by the Lieutenant who was originally meant to be an alpha shift officer, before it was discovered that he couldn't distinguish Romulan from Vulcan during the Nero crisis. Nyota was pretty sure he must hate her, and so she tried to clear the station as quickly and inconspicuously as possible. Spock entered the turbolift with her. "Will you please join me in my quarters in two hours?"

She smiled at him. "Of course."

She was very curious to hear how it came to be that he was aboard.

While he went to do God knew what, Nyota accompanied others from the alpha shift to the mess hall, sitting with them for their first space meal.

"So, excited to be here?" Kirk asked.

"The biggest thrill of my life," muttered Leonard as he sat down, joining them.

"Come on, Bones, don't pretend it doesn't excite you just a little."

"Oh, I'm very excited. Think of all the new, unknown illnesses we can encounter!"

Nyota raised her eyebrow: "A great opportunity for research, isn't it?"

"I'm a doctor, not a researcher. I do actually care about my patients, you know. Though this does sound like something that pointed-eared Vulcan might say."

Kirk shot him a look, then shot another one at Nyota. Leonard didn't know about her...special relationship with Spock. No one but Gaila, Kirk and Engineer Scott did. If they hadn't told someone, that is. Or if Spock hadn't told someone, but she found that highly unlikely.

Another of Nyota's eyebrows went up. I probably shouldn't copy Spock's mimic too much, she thought, it might disconcert them. "Derogatory specieist references, Leonard? Really?"

"Well he does get on my nerves," he said defensively.

"Already? We have been aboard for eight hours, and you haven't even seen him for those eight hours," Nyota pointed out.

"Not just now. Generally, I mean," Leonard clarified.

"He's a Vulcan," Kirk said easily, "that's what he does."

Nyota shook her head. "Just warn me in advance when some of you plan to make some witty comment about me being black, so that I can decide how exactly I want to hit you."

The men seemed taken aback.

"You know I really don't mean it in a bad way, don't you?" The doctor asked, sounding unsure.

"Of course, Leonard. I wouldn't be sitting at one table with you otherwise. But I still think it's wrong." She smiled. "Have you noticed how none of the non-Americans at this table joined in?"

Kirk shot looks at Chekov and Sulu. Chekov looked like he wanted to have nothing to do with it, but Sulu smiled at her.

"I'm fully on your side, ready to come to your defence whenever you need me, Lieutenant."

"We'd better watch out, Bones," Kirk commented, "I saw what he did to those Romulans with that sword of his."

Nyota snorted into her drink and rolled her eyes at Kirk. She really wasn't sure making someone a captain at twenty-two was such a great idea.

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After the meal, Nyota went to her rooms and took a shower. Then she got dressed and did her hair. Then she wrote her log. Then she paced her quarters nervously for twenty minutes. She seriously wondered what was wrong with her. It was not like it was going to be worse than the last time she saw Spock – nothing could be worse than that last time. And this was actually supposed to be good, there was no reason to be nervous. But it _was_ the first time they'd properly see each other since he stopped being her teacher. It was, at the very least, a special occasion.

She arrived exactly on time, and as he let her in his tiny quarters – not that hers were any bigger – she nostalgically remembered his rooms at the Academy. He motioned to the table: "_Please, sit_."

She did, a little irritated that he didn't even kiss her in greeting. But she brushed it aside as she asked, no longer able to contain her curiosity: "_How come you're here?_"

"_I was convinced by a Vulcan elder that my place was in Starfleet,_" Spock explained succinctly.

Nyota frowned. "_Wait...it wasn't another example of their racism, was it?_"

"_No, not in this case_."

"_Good. Though in that case I think it's strange they didn't consider you important enough to help them build a new Vulcan home_." Not that she complained, but it _was_ weird.

"_The reasons were rather more complicated. I will explain later, but that is not the reason I asked you here." _He paused, the said, looking down at her from his standing position:_ "While still at the Academy, our understanding was unvoiced and therefore very unclear. The actions taken by both of us during the Nero crisis were taken under extreme emotional pressure and therefore might not be indicative of normal state. I wanted to know what your wishes are for the future, concerning...us._"

Oh, so it was _this_ kind of discussion. Us...she liked the sound of it. Still, she wasn't sure what was the correct answer, so instead, she said, peering up at him: "_What are yours?_"

He raised one eyebrow. "_I wanted to let you speak first so that you could state what you wished plainly, without being influenced by my preferences. But if you want, I may speak first._"

She nodded. "_I do want it_."

Another pause. "_I wish_," he said then, very seriously, "_to explore this relationship that has been growing between us for the past two years, to explore it freely on all levels, without the constrains placed on us while we were at the Academy_."

She smiled brightly at him. "_Then it seems we're in complete agreement_!"

She thought that was it, but she was sorely mistaken. He sat down opposite to her, across the table.

"_I am glad_," he stated. "_However, there are some things you should know before you commit any further. I asked this preliminary question because there would be no point in bothering you with the rest otherwise. I would gladly keep it to myself a little longer, since I feel I will be putting too much pressure on you with the information I am about to reveal, but I cannot do that in good conscience. This information is important_."

She was beginning to feel really worried.

"_I know you have studied the Vulcan culture thoroughly," _he continued_. "What do you know about Vulcan habits regarding selecting partners and marriage?_"

"_Not much_," she admitted. "_It always seemed like Vulcans were unwilling to talk about it, which is not very surprising. I know that Vulcan children are bonded at the age of seven – wait, are you bonded?_" How did she never realize the possibility? Was she dumb? She had a degree in Vulcan and she missed something that obvious?

"_Not any more_," he stated flatly, interrupting her frustrated anger at herself, and she immediately realized what he was referring to.

"_I grieve with thee_," she said, with mixed feelings. So he had been effectively engaged the entire time? When he was singing her love songs on Valentine's, he was _engaged_?

"_I do not grieve more for my bondmate than I do for any of the Vulcans who died in the Immeasurable Loss. There were no feelings between us, and we haven't seen each other for fifteen years. I was planning to have the talk we are having now after you graduated, and if the result of that talk was favourable to me, I would have had the bond removed_."

It still didn't sound entirely satisfactory to Nyota. Apparently, he was unwilling to face any uncertainty, and he was at least emotionally cheating on that Vulcan woman. It must have shown on her face, because before she said anything, Spock looked her in the eyes and said: "_Please, do not judge me before you hear everything I want to tell you_."

Nyota grudgingly nodded. "_Very well_."

"_It is not my late bondmate who I wanted to talk about, though she is connected to it. Have you ever wondered why Vulcan children get bonded so soon?_"

She nodded again. "_Many times. I suppose it's because it's the most logical approach? The future partners can get to know each other or something?_"

"_It is logical, but for a different reason_." He paused, and if she didn't know better she'd say he was nervous. "_This is very difficult for me, so I ask for your patience. It's a thing that is not shared with non-Vulcans, but since there is a possibility that you will be involved in the future...I have to tell you. Vulcan reproductive cycle is very different from the human one_."

She stared.

He was apparently anguished. He twisted his hands and took a deep breath. "_There is a thing called..._pon farr. _It happens to us every seven years. It is a state when Vulcan's logic is stripped away from him, replaced by a single urge: to...mate with his bonded partner_."

She stared some more. He was looking at a point on the wall, several inches above her head, as he continued. "_Bonding children at the age of seven ensures that no Vulcan will be without a bonded mate when the time comes for him. During the first _pon farr_ of the couple's life, the wedding takes place. They always go though it at the same time – the bond ensures that. Sharing the blood fever of _pon farr_ is considered a completion of marriage. Vulcans from all across the galaxy were going back to Vulcan to join their bondmates and go thought the _pon farr_ for generations. I spoke to our Elders, and it is not certain what will happen now. Hopefully, Vulcan is not necessary to successfully complete the process_."

"_What would happen if it was? Or if someone didn't have a bondmate? Surely that must be quite common right now_," Nyota argued.

Spock hesitated, still staring at the wall. "_Are you certain you want to hear the answer? It might make later decisions more difficult for you_."

"_Yes_."

He seemed to take a moment to steel his resolve, then he said: "_There has been a large number of new bonds formed since the Immeasurable Loss. It is necessary to be sure, especially since there is now so little of us, because...if a Vulcan under the throes of _pon farr_ doesn't get to his bondmate within ten days, he will die_."

She put her hands to her mouth, horrified.

"_Now you know why I needed to tell you. _Pon farr_ is rather violent and it is not easy to go through for a human woman, however, it is possible. From what I learned from the Elders, it should be possible to create a new bond in the beginning stages of _pon farr_, even though it is slightly risky." _He paused, apparently doing a sort of mental review, then said: _"These are things you need to know about before you reach your final decision. I will, of course, give you as much time as you require_."

She sighed. "_What exactly is it you're asking me? To bond with you?_"

"_Not right now, as I said, there is time enough for that at the beginning of _pon farr_. I'm asking you to decide if you want to make a form of serious commitment. I would not hold you to it unconditionally, of course, but it is important to know if you believe there is at least over fifty per cent chance you would be willing to undergo this. If there wasn't, I..." _he paused for a moment, closing his eyes_. "I would have to go to New Vulcan and find a new bondmate_."

Yeah, right. No pressure, Nyota though sarcastically. But of course that is precisely what he was talking about. It was pressure. He said he was sorry about that.

She sighed again. There wasn't really any choice. What he explained was a complication, it would probably be a bit unpleasant – though she had some difficulty forcing this rational judgment on the part of her mind that insisted that wild sex with Spock was never going to be unpleasant, and that, in fact, she wanted to start with it right now, because better be prepared, right? – and she didn't like the additional pressure on her freedom to decide, but these were all minor details. It wasn't anything major enough to change the basic fact.

"_Of course I am willing to face this with you_." She sighed again. "Spohkh," and he looked her in the eyes for the first time since he started talking about pon farr. "I love you."

He looked at her for a long moment, then rose from his chair and circled the table to her. "_Are you quite certain about your decision?_" He asked. "_I am not sure it was clear from my description of Vulcan habits, but...as I believe you would say_, 'Vulcans don't do casual'. _I of course respect our cultural differences and understand your commitment is likely not going to be as absolute from the very beginning, but you should understand what I will be...feeling._"

In the joy of hearing him admit that he felt something, she even let slide the assumption that she was less committed than he was.

"_I am certain_," she said as she rose to meet him.

And there was that deep look into her eyes again, the one that seemed to go down to her very core. "I love you, Nyota."

Without breaking eye contact, she raised her right hand in the ta'al. When he mirrored the gesture with his left and pressed it to her fingers, she thought she would explode with joy.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for all of your reviews for the first chapter! You guys are amazing.

I do not own a single thing in this chapter.

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Their foreheads were touching, their emotions flowing through their intertwined fingers. It was very blissful and peaceful. Spock raised his free hand and traced her face with it, her cheekbones, her chin.

"Nyota," he whispered, and it resonated in the touch of heir minds. She sighed. Her mind drifted to other things she knew from Vulcan love songs – the mind meld...

Spock raised his head to look at her, then motioned to his bed in the back of his room. "_Come and sit_."

She did and he followed her, never letting go of her hand, and sat down next to her, looking in her eyes. "Nyota," he said seriously. "_I do not wish for you to think we have to follow the Vulcan pattern of courtship. I do respect your cultural heritage_."

She smiled at him. "_Don't worry about that. I kissed you before, during the crisis, didn't I? I just think we can do both. This is very different, and so very intimate on a different level than what I know..._"

Spock nodded.

She traces his features with her hand in turn, and asked. "_This is the first time you're doing something like this, isn't it?_"

"_Yes_."

She nodded. "_I thought so. I think we should go slow, let you get used to it. The mind meld, though, is...intriguing. I understand the joining of the minds is usually done before the joining of the body?_"

"_Yes. It is done during the bonding ceremony, so normally, a long time before_."

"_I see. Well, it seems Vulcans believe it's good to have a rather big amount of time in between, so perhaps we should...?_" She left the sentence unfinished.

He leaned his forehead on hers again. "_I am not certain you really know what you're asking. Mind meld is a very intimate thing, it is really the mental equivalent of an intercourse, when done fully. And, when done fully, it has lasting effects_."

Nyota frowned in thought. "_I'm not sure what you mean. What does it mean for a mind meld to be done fully? And what lasting effects?_"

"_I could simply access your psi points to read your mind while holding mine apart, and you could hold yours apart too, or share only something with me. Mind meld that is done fully is a mind meld in which neither of the partners hold back, both share the entirety of their minds with each other. When done in this way, there is always a connection between the two from that point on. Part of one is in the other. That is actually the basis of our bonds, too, only they are made stronger by the Elders. Full mind meld is not something you do casually._"

She frowned some more. "_You keep saying things that sound like I was taking this as just a fling. I believe I told you I was willing to withstand pon farr with you, _and that I loved you."

Spock pressed her hand more tightly. "_I have psionic contact with you, Nyota, I know how you feel_, I know you love me. _Perhaps when we do meld one day, you will understand what I meant._"

"_One day...that sounds very far away. I don't want to pressure you_," she could feel his amusement at this, understanding he thought the situations was rather the reverse – and he was probably right, considering the sleep-with-me-or-I'll-die situation, "_but wouldn't it be safest to bond as soon as possible, to be sure we will be bonded when pon farr comes for you? And, consequently, do the things that should come prior to it as soon as possible, too?_"

He raised one eyebrow. "_Didn't you say we should proceed slowly?_"

She smiled at this, a little. "_In the human way. We can afford slow there. But since I certainly want to meld with you on my own before an Elder is involved, it doesn't appear we have the same luxury in the Vulcan way_."

He nodded his understanding. "_There are additional practical information concerning this which will make it clearer for you, but it is nothing crucial and I do not think we have to discuss it all today. We had quite enough of serious conversation for one day, I believe. If you do not mind, I would simply like to enjoy the closeness for now_."

She most definitely didn't mind, and made him aware through their mental touch as well as with the hand trailing his face.

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As Nyota was leaving his rooms an hour later, Spock said: "_There is another thing we should discuss shortly today. Do you wish for our relationship to be known among the crew?_"

"_Don't you?_"

He smiled his little smile: "_You have a habit of returning my questions to me instead of answering them. Yes, I do, but I do not want to assume anything concerning you, Nyota_."

She smiled in full, relaxed. "_Of course I want them to know. I claim bragging rights, you know!_"

She was convinced she left him decidedly confused.

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There was certainly one person Nyota needed to brag to as soon as possible. When she woke up in the morning, there were still four hours left till the beginning of her shift, so after getting dressed, she headed to Gaila's room. She hoped the Orion wouldn't still be asleep.

It turned out she was, but after hearing why Nyota came, stopped blaming her for it immediately.

"So he is actually here? On the ship?" She asked, excited.

Nyota smiled blissfully. "Yes, here to stay...and all mine."

"Is he?" Gaila smiled wolfishly.

Her friend gave her a mock-threatening look. "Don't you dare as much as look at him."

Gaila stuck out her tongue at her, but then grew serious. "You know I wouldn't. But really, what did he say?"

It was a bit difficult for Nyota to describe if she didn't want to share the information about pon farr, but in the end, she said: "Basically, it turned out he's really serious about it – which is good, because so am I."

Gaila seemed unable to wait to ask the next question: "And how was he?"

"How was he?" Nyota was confused.

"In bed!" The Orion exclaimed impatiently.

Despite herself, Nyota laughed. "Gaila, I don't know! I haven't slept with him!"

The other girl stared. "Why not?"

The communications officer just shook her head. "Not everyone goes as quickly as you do."

Gaila looked unconvinced. "In spite of your attitude, you're not really such a retiring virgin, Ny."

Nyota had to concede that as true – or had been, when she last dater someone – and smirked as she answered: "I'm not...but he is."

Gaila turned from the mirror she was checking herself in to look her friend in the eye. "Is he actually?"

"Yes. As he said yesterday, Vulcans don't do casual," Nyota explained.

The Orion laughed incredulously. "Well, good luck with that. Better you than me."

The human returned the laugh. "Given that this is the way I feel about all of your partners, I guess we're even."

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AN: Someone pointed out in an anonymous review to the last chapter that Sulu was actually American according to canon. That is true and I am aware of it, and I should have explained this in the note at the end of last chapter. The thing is, there are already way too many US-ans in canon. Kirk, Pike and McCoy are all way too obvious for me to be able to do something about it, but that's it. I'm not allowing a single other US citizen in my fic, not until the quota for other people, and other aliens, has been filled. I am aware that it makes the only US citizens in my story Caucasian males, which is very problematic in itself, and I am sorry about that. But the rest of the world – and the Federation – simply takes precedence. US forms roughly 5% of the world population, so that's probably like 0.1% of the Federation population or something, and yet three out of seven senior officers on the Enterprise are supposed to come from the US? That's an imbalance I can't help to try and correct. I promise that the next time I include a US character for some reason, they will be neither Caucasian nor male.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I don't own them, which is probably a good thing, because I'd never make Kirk captain that young, and then we'd miss out on all this fun.

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"Captain?" Spock was standing by the chair, ramrod straight, while the captain was...lounging.

"Yes, Mr. Spock?"

"There are supposed to be bridge officer meetings regularly. There is no set date as to how soon after the launch there should be one, but nevertheless, I thought it prudent to mention it."

The captain nodded in acknowledgment. "Thanks. We can have a bridge officer meeting all right, at least it will give us something to do while we're on our way. Today?"

"That is your prerogative, of course, Captain, but I'd suggest giving the crew at least a day's warning would be better. Some might have other plans for today already."

The Captain shot him a look which made him slightly uncomfortable. It seemed to suggest he knew that mainly, _Spock _had other plans already, and that he knew what they were. Spock was also worried the Captain was right in his guess in the general way, although he perhaps imagined more than was real.

"Okay then, tomorrow. Tell Nyota."

Spock raised one eyebrow. "I was not aware Lieutenant Uhura gave you permission to use her first name."

The captain shrugged. "She didn't, of course. But you betrayed it, and now she'll have to bear the consequences," he smirked.

Spock almost sighed. "I will have to remember to apologise to her later for that slip."

"Yeah, make sure to make it up to her properly." The smirk got even wider.

Spock turned and looked him in the eye: "Captain, I believe it is my duty to point out that you are expected to maintain a certain degree of propriety."

Kirk grew marginally more serious. "I hope you know I wouldn't say this in front of other people, or in front of her."

"I am not completely certain of that. Also, I fail to see how speaking like this in front of Lieutenant Uhura would be any different from speaking about it in front of me."

"Well, she might get embarrassed."

Spock was conflicted. On one hand, he certainly didn't want to admit that he got embarrassed too, on the other, he felt he should point out the captain's faulty logic.

In the end, he decided that it would probably be appropriate to rid him of some of the false notions humans generally had about Vulcans. It could only be beneficial for the years of service he was going to spend under the captain.

"While Vulcans do not feel emotions the same way humans do, we have situations that we consider preferable and situations we strive to avoid. I believe you mentioning my private life in the middle of the bridge falls in the latter category for me."

The captain looked confused for a minute, then he said: "I wasn't really thinking about you being a Vulcan, I was thinking about you being a man. It's a...well, I suppose it's a human custom to share talks like this with other men concerning their women."

Spock raised his eyebrow again: "Fascinating."

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When their shift ended, Spock appeared at Nyota's side and accompanied her to the mess hall. She automatically headed to the bridge officer table, and he followed her. Chekhov gave him a look that was frankly terrified. Nyota wondered if it was a residue of seeing him beat the crap out of Kirk, or what.

The captain joined them after a moment, and said: "We agreed with Spock here that tomorrow after shift, we'll have a bridge officer meeting. So, since you're all here..."

"Actually, Captain," Spock interceded, "chief medical officer, chief of engineering and chief of security are also expected to be there, as heads of departments, even though they are not technically bridge officers."

"Well, our CMO is coming right there," Kirk remarked and waved at Leonard, who joined them, "so I can tell him too. Bones, tomorrow after shift, there's a meeting in the briefing room." He smirked. "Everybody who means something is going to be there."

"I'm so honoured," Leonard replied sarcastically.

"Good, so now I only have to tell Cortez and Scotty."

"I'm still interested to hear about the chief of engineering," Spock commented. "He appears to be an extremely skilled professional, yet if I understand it correctly, you found him on Delta Vega."

"That's right. I should really be grateful to you for marooning me there, without it, we wouldn't have one of the best engineers in the Federation aboard."

Spock tilted his head to the side: "I realize I have been remiss, Captain, in not apologizing to you earlier. The action to which you refer was completely unjustified, and a gross violation of many regulations. I am deeply sorry for that, as well as for that physical attack on you after your return to the ship."

Kirk shook his head. "Now don't apologize for that, Spock, I did it on purpose."

"I am aware of that, however, that still does not justify my actions."

"If you hadn't beaten me up, we wouldn't have defeated Nero," the captain pointed out.

"Which only adds the fact that I failed as an acting captain to the equation," Spock stated calmly.

Kirk waved his hand. "Just forget it, okay? It was all for the greater good in the end." Looking at Spock, he added: "I accept your apology. Now, does that make you feel better?"

Spock nodded, though he wouldn't have phrased it that way himself.

"As for Scotty, you'll have to ask him. He did kind of explain when he arrived there, but I was sort of preoccupied by the...other things that were going on, so I didn't really listen."

Spock nodded again. He assumed that by the other things, the captain meant his older self from the alternate reality. Something he needed to ask about, too, but later and somewhere more private.

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After dinner in his quarters, Spock turned to Nyota and said: "_I have to apologize to you for using your first name in front of the captain. He now seems to insist on calling you by it in non-official situations_."

She smiled: "_It doesn't really matter now, he's not the kind to try anything when he knows I'm taken – and especially not when I'm taken by you_." She smirked. "_I don't think he's going to forget that beating any time soon, and I doubt he wants a repeat performance_."

Spock blinked. "_I do not find it as amusing as you or him seem to_."

"_Naturally not, because you perceive it as your own failing, and in something as important as emotional control too. However, I and Kirk both know that he was targeting very sensitive areas when he set out to provoke you. Even though what led him to believe it would work at all is a mystery to me. I mean, I could tell you weren't yourself, of course, but then, I knew you better than anyone on the bridge_." Those words made a warm feeling spread through him. "_To everyone else, you must have appeared as your normal, emotionless self_."

"_I certainly did to Doctor McCoy, he made it very plain_."

"_What did he say?_" Nyota sounded somewhat alarmed for some reason.

"_He asked me if I was out of my Vulcan mind and commented that I could at least act like marooning then-first officer Kirk on Delta Vega was a difficult decision. He also called me a green-blooded hobgoblin, though I do not believe he thought I heard that_."

Now Nyota looked really angry. "_That idiot..._" She started.

"_Nyota, I don't blame him. James Kirk is his good friend. Naturally, he would be affected, and Doctor McCoy has low emotional control even for a human. Anger in such a situation is natural, and as long as it didn't intervene with his professional duties – which it didn't – I have nothing to blame him for_."

She seemed surprised. "_I'd think you'd expect better emotional control of him, seeing the demands you put on yourself_."

"_That is different. It would be illogical to ask of humans the same I ask of myself_."

Nyota sighed, sinking on his bed. "_Do you really walk around here feeling superior to all of us?_"

He sat down next to her and said seriously: "_In some ways I am superior. It is not a feeling, it is a scientific fact. I am stronger and longer-lived than you, for example, and I do have a better mental discipline. That does not mean I am superior in general. You are superior in other ways._"

"_For example? I don't really see any_."

Surely she was exaggerating. "_Do you value your emotions so little?_"

She rolled her eyes. "_You know very well that Vulcans have emotions too, only hidden_."

He inclined his head. "_Yes, but yours are different. They allow for much easier inclusion and acceptance, enable you to form bonds with other humans quickly. What I said about Vulcans not doing casual doesn't apply only to romantic relationships. It takes us time to form any kind of relationship to other persons. You are also capable of quicker change, you are more adaptable, more able to rise to a new challenge, accept new ideas. The Federation would have never been born without you. Isn't that quite an accomplishment?_"

Nyota smiled. "_I don't think it could have been formed without you either – if only because of the first contact. It would have gone very differently had we met a different race back then. But you did make me feel a little better_."

"_I will endeavor to continue to do so,_" he said, and then he kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Just a quick thank-you to all of my anonymous reviewers – I can't reply, but that doesn't mean I don't want to!

Also, I don't own this. If I did, the rules of kal-if-fee would be very different.

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Some time later, Spock broke their kiss and looked at Nyota. "_In point of fact, I owe you another explanation_," he said, "_even though you do distract me very efficiently_."

She raised her eyebrows at him, mimicking him. "_As I recall, it was you who kissed me_."

One corner of his mouth quirked up: "_Because you are distracting_." He paused. "_But I did say yesterday that I would explain why there was no rush to perform the bonding_."

That got her attention, and she sat up straight on his bed. "_Yes?_"

Spock took hold of her hand, but otherwise kept his distance, as he said: "_You recall how, during the Nero crisis, we speculated that the Romulan aggressors could theoretically be from the future?_"

"_Yes_," Nyota said, confused. What did that have to do with anything?

"_They were indeed, as was confirmed when I and the captain boarded their ship. Inside, there was another, significantly smaller ship, which contained the red matter – the material that..._" he looked away for a moment, "_enabled Nero to create the black hole_."

It wouldn't have been easy to tell from his voice, but Nyota could feel his pain through the mental link. She pressed his hand, and he took a deep breath and went on.

"_My task was to destroy the drill and to create a black hole that would consume Nerada. In order to do that, I piloted the smaller ship. It was extremely advanced, and when I asked the computer for the manufacturing date, the stardate I received was twenty-three eighty-seven_."

Nyota's eyes widened.

"_It was commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy_," he continued. "_And when I boarded the ship, the face and voice recognition systems identified me. As Ambassador Spock_."

Now she actually gasped, ad her hand flew to her mouth. "_So you mean...?_"

He inclined his head. "_The ship belonged to my older self, from an alternate reality. The captain knew about this. I haven't discussed it with him yet, but it appears that it wasn't only Mr. Scott he met at Delta Vega_."

She blinked at him. "_Are you telling me Kirk actually met an older, alternate-reality you?_"

"_Not just the captain_," Spock explained. "_I encountered him too_."

"_I beg your pardon?_" This was completely crazy.

"_It was him who convinced me to stay in Starfleet instead of going to New Vulcan_."

Crazier and crazier. Nyota laughed. "_So, I actually owe you for making you be here? That's weird._" She paused. "_So when you talked about a Vulcan Elder...?_"

"_That alternate me _is_ a Vulcan Elder. And a much respected one, apparently. It is...a fascinating experience_," he admitted.

She smiled at him, feeling that indescribable emotion that this provoked in him. "_I'd say. It's great to know that the Vulcans will come to their senses about you, though_."

"_They will in an alternate reality. It does not follow they will do the same here. The situation has changed drastically for my species_," Spock reminded her.

Nyota wanted to point out that the fact he saved their Elders could only count in his favour, but she didn't want to talk about the destruction of Vulcan, so instead, she said: "_While meeting your older self from an alternate reality is unbelievably_ cool – _and I want to meet him, by the way, I want to know what's awaiting me_-"

He pressed her hand and she felt emotional warmth from him, but he couldn't help himself: "_That is not my future, Nyota_."

She smiled again. "_I know, but there are still likely to be common traits. But anyway, what I wanted to say is, what does this all have to do with our possible bonding?_"

"_I contacted my older self to ask about his pon farr_," he explained. "_If my life follows the same course his did, we have one point seven years until my time comes. It is not certain, of course, but I see no particular reason why this should be changed, so I estimate the odds as being ninety-four per cent. That gives us a relatively large amount of time. Additionally, as I said, a bond can probably be created in the early stage of pon farr._"

Nyota shook her head. "_But you said it was dangerous. I'd rather not risk that_."

"_Neither would I, but it is good to know nevertheless_." He paused, then said hesitatingly: "_I trust you do understand now why I didn't break my bond to T'Pring before?_"

"_Of course I do! You would have risked your life by doing so. It was entirely reasonable_." There was something else on her mind, but she didn't want to say it. With the psionic link between them, however, it wasn't difficult for Spock to sense it.

"_What is troubling you?_"

"_It's only that...if you had broken the bond, that would have put your bondmate in a difficult position, wouldn't it? Now _she_'d be without a partner_." Nyota really didn't like the idea that their common future was only possible because of somebody else's death.

"_It would not have been the same situation. Pon farr is not as deadly to females as it is to males. And T'Pring's appearance was very much in accord with the aesthetical norms of our culture, and she was from a very respected family. She would have had no trouble finding another to bond with_."

Nyota saw the flaw in that immediately. "_But it would have been a vicious circle, wouldn't it? Then some other woman would end up without a bondmate..._"

"_The situation is not quite as without solution as that. There are widowers and, rarely, even divorcees_." He paused, then said quietly: "_Mainly widowers now_."

Nyota hugged him very tightly.

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One day later, after shift, senior officers – in rank, that is, since there was nothing senior about any of them otherwise – gathered in the briefing room.

"So," Kirk said. "I don't know how well you all know each other, so let me just introduce everyone." He motioned with his right hand. "This is my first officer and science officer, Commander Spock," Spock inclined his head, "this is the Chief of Engineering, Lieutenant Scott," Scotty raised his hand in greeting, "Chief Medical Officer, Lieutenant Doctor McCoy," a nod, "Navigation Officer, Ensign Chekhov," a cheerful wave, "Communications Officer, Lieutenant Uhura," she nodded, "Security Officer, Lieutenant Commander Cortez," another curt nod, "and helmsman, Ensign Sulu." Sulu inclined his head, too.

"So, well, that's the team. Er...Spock, what exactly is the purpose of these meetings?" Kirk asked, sounding honestly confused. "I have a feelings this is the part of being a captain I'm going to be the worst at."

Spock immediately took the word with professional assurance. "Heads of departments are expected to shortly report about anything in their department that might concern other senior officers, then report privately to you. You are expected to assign general tasks and inform the officers what missions are ahead for the ship. Also, if any officer has anything they wish to discuss with other senior staff, this is the time." He paused. "I'd take this opportunity to say that similar meetings are expected to be held on department level regularly as well."

Kirk nodded. "How often?"

"The minimal stated time is once a month, while it is once every fortnight for these bridge officer meetings."

"All right then. Let's make it once a week for our meetings for now, and if we see it's not necessary, we can relax the discipline then. You can do as you please with your department meetings, of course. But I will be expecting all of you here every Wednesday after your shift ends from now on. Does anybody have anything to discuss?"

"I do," Nyota said, and Kirk shot her a surprised look. "It concerns our departments. I think that for those of us who are department heads and, at the same time, bridge officers, it's really difficult to reconcile the duties. I'm expected to be on the bridge all the time, so the department if effectively ran by my deputy, yet officially, I am the head. It makes for a confusing situation. The most I can do is give them orders on communicators..."

Kirk nodded. "That is true. How did they deal with that on Potemkin, Spock?"

"It was generally acknowledged it was a difficult situation, however, one in which no better solutions were available. It stands to logic that the best officer has to work on the bridge, and they also have to head the department. It's a smaller problem in Navigation," he nodded to Chekhov, "since when everything is going according to plan, it's not problematic for the Navigation Officer to leave his station on the bridge and go to his department. It is more complicated for science officers, because objects and phenomena we should be monitoring appear all the time and quite randomly, but the computer is able to record them, and we can be called back relatively soon, so at least when travelling through known parts of space, it can be done. I used to keep shifts of six hours on the bridge and two hours in the science department on USS Potemkin, when nothing out of the ordinary was going on. The situation of the communications officer," he nodded to Nyota and she smiled at him, "is the most difficult in this respect. There can be unexpected communication at any time, and it might require your immediate response. Of course, the key is having a skilled assistant who can take over when you leave your station, but we can hardly expect a relief to be as skilled as our communications officer, so it is always going to be an imperfect solution." He closed his speech and turned to Kirk, who nodded.

"All right then. If everything goes according to plan and we're not dealing with a difficult situation, I want Chekhov to spend three hours of every shift in his department, you, Spock, two, and Uhura..." he paused. "Try to get at least an hour with them every day. You don't have to be there personally, that would probably be too risky, but on video calls, okay?"

All three of them nodded.

"Good. Now next time we meet here, I want to hear about your department meetings from all of you – except you, Mr. Sulu, of course. As you know, our first mission is the survey of a

system that is two days' journey from here. That's the plan for this week. Dismissed."

As they rose from their chairs, Nyota thought that Kirk didn't seem to be so bad at this part of being a captain either.

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AN: As for my assumption that pon farr is less deadly to women – I really hate adding any kind of gender imbalance to the universe, and it is true that beta sources indicate that's not the case, but then beta sources indicate a lot of crap (seriously, I opened the memory beta wiki like once and decided never to do it again, some of those books are just crazy), and my assumption is logical. From what we learn in Amok Time, men can just cancel the bond, while the woman's only chance is to initiate kal'i'fee. That is either incredibly chauvinistic, or there is some logic behind it. Since we're talking about Vulcans, I assumed it would be the latter (although of course it is likely those rituals come from before The Awakening, and so it could be incredibly chauvinistic too – but you know what they say, in dubio pro reo). So, I imagine the woman cannot simply cancel the bond because it could become an effective method of murder – cancelling just before pon farr, so that the man doesn't have enough time to find another bondmate – but the man can, because the woman will not die of it.

I am aware that there are other indications of Vulcan society being chauvinisic, mainly in Journey to Babel. I think it's one of the serious flaws in the depiction Vulcans in TOS, but I will deal with that some other time, this AN is way too long as it is.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I'm officially announcing that my beta, BookLuva97, had to take a break from betaing because she had too much RL stuff to do, so any mistakes you encounter from now on are my own. Thank you for all your help, BookLuva97, you were amazing!

So now I don't have a beta and I don't own anything. Poor me.

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On Thursday, as the middle of her shift was approaching, Nyota turned to Kirk. "Captain," she said. "I'd like to go to the communications department for a while, to get acquainted with them all, explain our current mission and all that. I think at least this first visit should be personal, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all, go ahead," he waved at her, and so she nodded to her relief and left the bridge.

She was pretty nervous. On the bridge, she knew what she was doing, she had been trained for this very thoroughly. Actually leading a department, though? That was what GS majors were ready for, not her.

As the automatic doors to her department opened in front of her, she saw her deputy, Lieutenant Tonatiuh, standing at attention.

"At ease," she said, a bit uncomfortable to be someone's commanding officer. She needed to make the situation a bit more familiar. "May I sit down?" She asked, pointing to a chair by his desk.

"Of course, ma'am," he replied, making Nyota feel even worse. He was about ten years older than she was.

She almost collapsed into that chair. "Okay, so first tell me what has been going on in here for the past three days. I apologise for not stopping by earlier, the first days at the bridge were quite hectic." Was that a good euphemism for 'none of us knew what we were doing'?

"I completely understand, ma'am. Nothing of particular interest has happened in the department. We have been archiving all communications, as always, but there hasn't been much to archive, has there? No interesting transmissions to decrypt either...we have been managing the crew's personal messages, of course, and keeping up our communications with Starfleet command."

She nodded. "Good. No news is usually good news, I suppose. Now, I'd like to walk round here – I know what the department looks like, of course, but I want to meet the people we have here."

He nodded and took her on the tour. To her horror, every single person there was older than she was. Every single one. Nyota was very glad she was so skilled in projecting confidence. She wondered if Kirk struggled with this too, or if he was just so arrogant he never stopped to think about it.

The tour of the department completed, she turned back to Tonatiuh. "As you probably already know, this week's mission is to scout a solar system few days' journey from here. There's likely not going to be much for us to do, since the planets are expected to be uninhabited. So just monitoring frequencies of the away team, and that's likely going to be it." She paused, then turned to the rest of the open space again: "We are to have regular department meetings, so I want to see all of you in the big briefing room tomorrow after your shift ends, all right? We need to figure out some way to decide who's going to be obliged to participate, since apparently we're all Lieutenants here," which was just _stupid_, "so it can't really be decided based on rank. And it would be a waste of everybody's time to have everyone there, even though there are only twenty of us. I will ask each of you for a list of languages you know, too, so have it ready tomorrow, including your levels of proficiency – in case anyone is unsure," though she certainly hoped no communication officer was unsure about their proficiency in a language, "the tests are at your disposal, of course."

Then back to Tonatiuh. "I should be video-calling the department every day for about an hour sometime around the middle of the shift, if that's all right, to make sure everything goes as it should. If the day is quiet, I might even manage to stop by personally."

"Understood, ma'am," her deputy said and she bid her goodbye to him, frankly feeling glad to get back to the bridge. This department leading thing was going to take some getting used to.

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"I'm starting to have second thoughts about being a senior officer," Nyota said at dinner. "I mean, everybody in that bloody department is older than me. How am I supposed to command them?"

"When you have ascertained their level of skill," Spock stated, "I believe you will see the wisdom of you having the senior position."

"Do you actually know those people are incompetent, or are you just assuming?" Leonard asked.

Nyota sighed. She really wished the doctor wasn't so confrontational. She had no idea what his problem was.

"My belief does not stem from my knowledge of their incompetence, but from the knowledge of Lieutenant Uhura's competence," Spock replied calmly. "I have reason enough to believe there can be no one as skilled as she is in the department."

Nyota smiled, but Leonard didn't seem satisfied. "You should have more faith in people," he said, missing the point. Fortunately, at this moment, Kirk interrupted the discussion, apparently wanting to diffuse the tension: "Imagine how I must feel," he said. "Apart from some of the yeomen, and Chekov here, I am the youngest person on this ship, and I am the captain."

"Yes," Nyota said, "I have wondered if it actually bothered you, or if you were just too arrogant to take notice...Captain," she added, smirking, as Spock shot her a disapproving look at her insubordination.

Kirk laughed at her: "Mostly too arrogant, yes, but sometimes a slight awareness of it filters through."

Laughing in return, Nyota could see that Spock simply did not understand and decided that trying to explain would probably be a waste of time. 

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"_We have not been particularly successful in making our relationship public, have we?_" Nyota asked later in Spock's quarters, tracing his fingers with her own. "_I think most people still don't know about us, not even most bridge officers_."

He considered, then inclined his head. "_I believe you are correct. What do you propose? Making a public declaration in the middle of the bridge is not a generally accepted mode of behavior._"

Nyota sniggered. "_I'd say_." She hesitated. "_But couples normally touch or_ kiss _in public, you know._"

She could feel his slight discomfort through the touch.

"_I don't mean on duty,_" she hastened to add, "_and I don't want to pressure you, that's why I haven't initiated anything..._"

Spock nodded. "_I understand. The source of my discomfort is that human _kissing _is too intimate for me to perform in public. I stand by my earlier statement that I do not want to force you to accept Vulcan cultural forms, however, if it would be acceptable to you, I would prefer if our public contact could be limited to the common Vulcan form of expressing affection._"

Nyota smiled. "_You mean_ ozh'esta?"

"_Yes._ _Or even_ el'ru'esta, _if I thought the situation called for it – or if you did, naturally_."

Nyota thought for a while. "_All right. I can accept that, since holding hands is actually a human form of expressing affection too – but I reserve the right of_ kissing _you, at least semi-publically, if I thought the situation called for it_," she mimicked him. "_I don't mean anything very passionate or something, but I might need a light peck on the lips from time to time_."

She felt his reluctance, but nevertheless, he acquiesced. She smiled at him as she traced his face with her fingers.

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On Friday before noon, Spock headed to the science department to meet with its senior staff. From what he knew of them so far, he was pleased with them. His deputy, Lieutenant Commander Aena, was a capable officer with a background in microbiology and chemistry, which balanced out his out physics specialization very well. There was quite a number of other astrophysicists, too, and several representatives of every other specialization needed aboard a starship, all with impressive credentials.

He entered the science briefing room and inclined his head in greeting. They were all already there, which he appreciated. "Good day, ladies and gentlemen," he greeted them. "The main purpose of this meeting is to make sure we are well prepared for the upcoming survey mission. To be certain, have all of you participated in one before?"

There were nods all around the table.

"And the rest of the department?"

Lieutenant Commander Aena spoke: "One of our climatologists got the posting fresh out of the Academy, so he does not have any experience with survey missions. Then there are three astrophysicists who have been aboard a starship during survey missions, but did not participate, and so their experience is limited."

"Thank you, I will speak to them personally," he paused. "Do you have any questions regarding this mission?"

"I have, Commander," Lieutenant Commander Wu leaned forward a bit. Spock remembered him to be the main geologist of the ship.

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander?"

"Do we have any more precise information about the system? Knowing what kind of planets we are likely to encounter would help the geologists significantly in preparation," he explained.

"We do. It is a relatively big system, bigger than sixty-eight point seven per cent of multiplanetary systems. It consists of four planets, one of them class M. One is a gas giant, and the other two are, predictably, one too hot and one too cold for life to develop on. The information should be at your disposal on the ship's computer."

Lieutenant Commander Wu shook his head. "Actually, sir, it is not – apparently, the information is only made available to bridge officers."

Spock raised one eyebrow. "That is irregular. There is nothing in the file that would require making it classified. I will look over it again, and if I find no reason not to, I will transfer it to all of your PADDs today. We need to be prepared. I will have to discuss this inappropriate secrecy with the captain, there must have been some mistake."

Mr. Wu indicated his understanding.

"Any more questions or comments? Any problems that should be discussed?" There was only silence. "Very well, I expect to see you here in a month's time, or sooner if I indicate the situation requires it. Dismissed."

As the top scientists of the ship started to converse among themselves, Spock headed back to talk to the young, inexperienced members of his department.

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AN: I had a typo in this chapter I can't help mentioning. Instead of "Spock shot her a disapproving look," I originally wrote "Spock shot her a disapproving lok". The idea has taken root in my head, and now I'm imagining what a disapproving lok would look like, and Spock shooting it. Oh dear.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry for the slight delay in updating. School's starting for me, so we will see how I'll do.

I don't own this. But the OCs are beginning to grow like mushrooms once again.

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Nyota's department meeting the same afternoon went with decidedly less confidence on the part of the department head, even though she was good at not showing her nervousness. People were already gathered in the department briefing room when she arrived, and she had no idea if that was good or bad. Did it mean they were all conscientious, or did it mean she failed to establish her authority by being late? Ugh. She just hated being out of her depth so, so much. They were all talking together, and Nyota felt very keenly that she really didn't know them, that she was, in a way, an outsider. She also felt her youth.

"Goof afternoon everyone," she said. The room quieted. She took a deep breath. "First, we have to determine who's going to work as senior staff in this department, since as I've already explained, there are no differences in rank." She paused. "My idea is four people beside myself. Lieutenant Tonatiuh is a given, of course. Now, for the rest. I have your Starfleet files here on my PADD, but if you could all send me your lists of languages? I'm aware there is some info about that in your file, too, but it's often inaccurate and not detailed enough, so..."

There was general shuffling as the present communication officers took out their PADDs and transferred the required files to her.

"Thank you," she said when the device indicated she received twenty lists. She had already sorted the department members by years of experience aboard a starship – but now she needed to correlate it to skill. That was simple enough where languages were concerned, but would be more difficult with the technically-minded. And she was already determined that she wanted at least one person like that on her senior staff.

After some time of searching and comparing, she found a likely candidate. It was a middle-aged Ariolo officer with a bachelor's degree in communication technology. She just needed to verify his language skills. "_Lieutenant Quine_?" She said in Andorian.

"_Yes, Lieutenant Uhura_?" He replied with a relatively good accent.

"_How would you like being on the senior staff?_"

"_It would be an honour, Lieutenant. I am pleased to hear you are considering me._"

He seemed to be fluent enough, as he'd indicated. She didn't really have time for anything more in-depth. She switched to Vulcan: "_I'm sorry about this, but I have to make at least a cursory inspection of your skills_."

"_There is no need to apologize, I understand_."

His Vulcan left something to be desired as far as pronunciation went, but he didn't seem to be searching for words. She decided to probe one of the more unusual languages he listed. "_I appreciate you accommodating approach_," she said in Kasheeta.

"_It is natural that you want to have some sort of short interview for your future senior officers_," he answered, his Kasheeta actually better than his Vulcan, even though they were both listed as proficiency: VIII. "_Personal experience is always more enlightening than just information in the files_." That would do. His main skill was not the languages, and he really did speak at least four out of the five he listed, counting Ariolo, which she assumed – she could hardly test him on that since she didn't know the language, but he was a native speaker, it stood to reason he would know the language. She didn't want to make the meeting any longer than necessary.

"Lieutenant Quine will be one of the members of the department's senior staff," she announced, switching back to Standard. And now to select the rest...

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Afterwards, she relayed the experience to Spock in detail, and he nodded in satisfaction. "_You handled it well_," he said. "_It is unfortunate that the last-minute nature of my decision to accept the commission on the Enterprise made it impossible for me to share some of my experiences with command with you before we started on our mission, including my beginner's problems on USS Potemkin. It might have eased your mind_."

Nyota laughed and gave him a peck on the lips. "_Well, sharing your officer experiences was not the only thing you didn't do. Why didn't you tell me you were going to be the first officer?_"

He held her closer to him, putting his chin atop her head. "_I didn't want more formality between us than strictly necessary. You know that first officers have the veto right on any officer assignments aboard their ship, unless the captain insists. I would obviously never veto you, but still, it seemed to me that it could with certain probability make you nervous and might hinder you in acting naturally around me._"

"_Well, it was certainly a shock when you sat down in the chair after Pike left...but it helped me focus and not panic, so I suppose it was all for the good in the end_." She paused, then smiled. "_Which reminds me of another mystery. What were you thinking, assigning me to the Farragut?_"

He pulled away to look at her, completely serious. "_I do not find it pleasant to remember that_," he explained. "_The thought that you would be dead if you had listened to me makes me very uncomfortable. But I believe I do owe you an explanation_."

Nyota shook her head, not wanting to spoil the mood. "_If you don't want to talk about it, let's let it go._"

"_No. You should hear it_." He paused, and she slightly squeezed his hand. "_It was just an emergency assignment. I never imagined the situation we were going to would be that dire_."

"_Naturally. No one did_."

"_It was the only respect in which I was responsible for you, the only area where my feelings for you could be ethically questionable, where I could be accused of favouritism. There have been accusations of misconduct, repeated ones, the last after Valentine's Day." _

Nyota resisted the urge to say 'I told you so,', and listened instead, as Spock continued to explain his reasoning in a level voice._ "Therefore, I decided that the safest thing to do was not to give you the emergency assignment of your dreams – believing that it didn't matter, and that after coming back from that emergency, you'd graduate and we would be able to start a regular relationship without any suspicion surrounding us. I still have nightmares about you actually accepting my argument and leaving earth on the Farragut..._"

Nyota closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to roll out at the emotion she could feel from Spock. Having no words, she kissed him instead, trying to put all of her love into it, and assure him that she really was here, alive, with him.

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On Saturday, they dropped out of warp in the solar system they were tasked with surveying.

The whole alpha shift on the bridge was beside itself with excitement. Their first real assignment! The whole shift with the exception of Spock, that is. Naturally. Nyota knew that amusement battled with exasperation in him, even though outwardly, he projected only calm. But she brushed her finger with his for a reason when he was passing her station.

"All right," Kirk said, "let's start with the ice dwarf. Helmsman, assume standard orbit."

"Aye, aye, sir," Sulu said, smiling. First mission could make even standard orbit seem interesting. Even though Sulu was more experienced than most of the bridge officers, of course, so perhaps he was mainly smiling at Kirk's excitement.

They had standard orbit.

"Mr. Spock, let your sensors loose on that planet."

"I will attempt to follow your order to the best of my ability, sir," Spock replied and Nyota had a sudden vision of him dismantling the sensors and throwing them out of the ship in the direction of the planet. Fortunately, Spock was not a complete novice in communicating with people.

There was a short wait, and then: "Sensor reading complete, sir."

"All right, how long until they are evaluated and we can send out the scouts?"

"The basic analysis should be done in fifteen minutes, sir. If I may, I'd like to go to the science department to assist with it."

"Okay, off with you. At least you will make it a bit quicker."

Spock shot Nyota a short look as he passed her on his way to the turbolift. Apparently, exasperation won.

The wait wasn't particularly exciting. Leonard arrived shortly after Spock left, just to spend some time with Kirk, she supposed, and to be part of the buzz – if there was some buzz – and Kirk spent the time by coming up with theories of what they could discover on the planet, which Leonard was shooting down.

Then, after fourteen minutes – she checked – Spock's voice sounded on the bridge. "Captain?"

"Yes, Mr. Spock?"

"The preliminary analysis is complete. We are ready to launch the scouts."

"Good. Come up here and we will do just that."

"My presence on the bridge is not necessary for the launch, sir."

"No, but I want you to see them fly."

Nyota smiled fondly, imagining Spock's mental reaction as he heard that reasoning. Nevertheless, he didn't argue.

As soon as he came back, Kirk punched the communicator button and said: "Launch the scouts!" He sounded rather like a cub scout himself.

The probes were dutifully dispatched and arrived to the planet surface exactly as predicted. There were several hours of scout-work ahead before they had enough material and pictures to analyze and decide whether there was something down there to send actual people for. Kirk turned to Spock: "Beta shift?"

"I believe so, sir," Spock agreed. There were still three hours left till the time the alpha shift should come off, but it was clear to everybody that Kirk – and with him, most of the alpha shift – had no intention of missing the possible first departure of a landing party, and so they would be expected to be up and ready when it was time for analyzing and deciding on future steps. In these circumstances, it was a good idea to take the opportunity to rest. The betas would have to enjoy this opportunity some other time, when it got old for the first set of officers. As Kirk sounded the beta shift alarm, Spock called his deputy in science department. "Tell the staff to have some rest," he said. "We start again in five hours."


	7. Chapter 7

AN: ...can you tell the whole "update every four days" thing is not going to work out?

I'm so sorry for the long wait. School is crazy – mine always is – and to add insult to injury, I've been hit with something of a writer's block. I have about ten more chapters written, but the one after that just won't come to me. I get ideas for other fandoms instead – I wrote several chapter of a HP fanfic in one sitting, and I keep getting ideas for a GoT one...I even tried watching The Wrath of Khan to get into the mood, but nothing.

So, here's the deal: I'm promising at least one chapter per week (probably Thursdays or Fridays, since the first three days of the week are the craziest ones for me). That gives me seventy days till I run out of chapters, and hopefully by then this strange kind of writer's block will pass...

Oh, and one more thing: fanfiction dot net stopped sending me email notifications for some reason, so I apologize for the delay in my review responses – I have to remember to check the reviews in my account now, which, with the school craziness going on, I rarely do...but I appreciate them all the more when I finally do, so certainly don't stop reviewing, wonderful people!

Okay, back to the story I don't own now.

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The premature end of shift was a great opportunity to get proper lunch instead of the usual quick bite, and so the entire bridge crew headed towards the mess hall after their beta replacements arrived. As Nyota and Spock entered a turbolift together with Kirk and Leonard, Spock looked at her, raised one eyebrow infinitesimally, and extended two fingers on his right hand. Nyota smiled and touched them with the corresponding fingers of her left. She instantly felt his affection, and her smile broadened.

Kirk just raised his own eyebrows in a poor imitation, but Leonard literally gaped. His mouth really did come open. Then closed, then open again. Then he turned to Kirk.

"Are you seeing this too?"

"Yes, Bones, you're not hallucinating," the Captain answered, obviously amused.

"What is that...are they..." He seemed at a loss what to say.

"I believe," Spock interjected, "it is considered rather impolite to discuss people who are present in the third person."

Leonard shot him a look. "All right," he said, "I will ask you directly: what are you doing?"

"Ozh'esta-tor," Spock replied, seemingly unfazed. Nyota could feel he was a little irritated, but only slightly.

It was obvious Leonard had no idea what that meant. The turbolift arrived to the mess hall deck, and so the conversation was interrupted for the moment. Nyota had an opportunity to discover one major advantage of ozh'esta over kissing – one could do it while walking. Once they sat down, the doctor resumed his inquisition: "Don't try to confuse me with shiny Vulcan terms, I'm a doctor, not a xenolinguist. What was that?"

Nyota answered before Spock could: "I would have thought it was self-evident, Leonard, but if you need it spelled out for you, no problem. Me and Spock are an item. What you witnessed in the turbolift was a Vulcan way of expressing affection."

"Vulcan? Affection?"

Nyota groaned. "Please, not this conversation again. You're making me lose my appetite. How about you just accept that I know more about it than you do, and trust me?"

He didn't look convinced, but seemed to realize she didn't want to discuss it at the moment, and let it go. When she and Spock joined their fingers again on leaving the mess hall, they were followed by interested looks of the entire bridge crew, but no more comments were forthcoming. Nevertheless, she had a very good idea of what was going to happen the moment they were out of earshot.

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"_I thought Leonard's shock was rather amusing_," Nyota commented as they were entering Spock's quarters. "_Imagine what would be his reaction if he ever saw us do this_," and she leaned in for a kiss.

She meant it as a sort of reward for Spock finding the courage to go public with their relationship, but then she got carried away a bit. And he did as well. When they broke up the kiss, she realized she was pressed against the door, and she had no idea how she got there.

"_What exactly did you mean_," Spock asked, sounding deceptively calm, given that he was now holding Nyota's hand and she knew he was everything but, "_when you said you wanted to go slow? I do not want to cross any lines you do not wish crossing_."

She shook her head. "_I want to go slow for you, Spock, because I think it's better to take it slowly when one does this for the first time. You don't have to worry about me, every line you feel comfortable with crossing will be fine with me. You can do to me whatever you want to._"

The flare of desire she felt from him when she said that was rather shocking. She smirked. "_You like that idea, don't you_?"

"_I do find certain pleasure in it_," he admitted, still in the same even voice, "_but do not misunderstand. This is the degree of desire I feel towards you most of the time. I simply usually shield better. I do not wish to overwhelm you_."

"_What if I want to be overwhelmed_?"

In response, he let a bit more of that intense feeling seep through his mental shields, and she actually moaned in response. And then he was kissing her again, and as his hand found her breast and pressed it through her uniform, she fleetingly thought the really hoped the scouts would take their time.

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In the end, she did sleep for a while – in Spock's bed, while he meditated. Not that they gave up on the idea of going slow. She slept in his bed fully clothed. It was simply easier than going back to her own quarters.

Their fingers were touching in ozh'esta on their way to the bridge, but the moment the turbolift doors opened, they transformed into two cool professionals.

Nyota sat down at her station, but not having anything particular to do, she watched the rest of the crew. Spock was the busiest, communicating with his department and discussing the results. His expertise hadn't been needed, neither of his fields pertained to planet exploration, but as the department's commanding officer, everything needed his final approval.

At last, he turned to Kirk and said: "The analysis is complete, Captain."

"Yes?" Kirk said excitedly.

"It would be beneficial to send three additional scouts for targeted collection of samples, but a landing party is unnecessary."

Kirk looked disappointed, but even he knew that dispatching an away team when not strictly necessary was against every regulation ever created, and incredibly risky.

"All right then. Send your additional scouts. How much time?"

"No more than an hour. After that, we will be able to leave here, since the analysis can be done away from the planet. The scouts are already prepared."

Kirk nodded, and gave the relevant orders. Then he turned to the bridge at large: "Can all of you stick it out until midnight? I know that technically, there are only three hours of your shift left, but it seems kind of mean to wake up the beta shift just for those two hours in between that time and the gama shift time."

There were nods all around. They had some rest, so there was no reason to complain.

"All right then," Kirk said, "let's have this ice dwarf over with."

The hour duly passed, and then they relocated to the gas giant and assumed standard orbit again, and it was time for sensor scans and another bout of scouts being sent. That meant several hours of nothing to do. Spock, at least, had the results from his department, which were sent to him just before the department's shift ended.

Out of sheer desperation, apparently, Kirk turned to him and said: "All right Mr. Spock, tell us what you've discovered about that planet."

Judging from his face, he regretted his request soon enough.

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When Nyota came back to the bridge in the morning, there was a hyped Kirk waiting there. No wonder, she was kind of excited herself. While they slept, the gama shift – as per orders – assumed standard orbit around the class M planet. The one planet they were likely to go down to. Her first really alien planet, Nyota realized with a start. She had visited some Earth colonies in her youth, but nothing really foreign. True, there was no sentient life here, but still.

But first, it was time for sensor readings and scouts. Kirk's impatience was plainly showing as Nyota tried to wait with a bit more discipline the long hours before the preliminary analysis was complete and the planet was declared clean for landing parties.

Kirk practically jumped up. "All right, Mr. Spock, come with me. And Lieutenant Uhura as well. We're beaming down."

There was absolutely no logic in taking the communications officer down as part of the landing party, but Nyota was not going to argue. As she brushed his fingers in the turbolift, Nyota could tell Spock was thinking along the same lines.

Three members of security met them in the transporter room, and then it was time to party.

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It was raining down on that planet. No, not raining, it was pouring down. Nyota was well familiar with that weather, of course – that was how it got at home during the summer. Still, it wasn't exactly her favorite atmospheric condition. It was also dreadfully hot here, a condition Adis Ababa mercifully did not share.

"Why didn't you tell me it was raining?" Kirk was asking Spock in an accusing tone.

"You did not ask, Captain. In fact, you seemed uninterested in anything beyond knowing it was safe to beam down."

"Oh. Right. Well, let's look around for a while."

They did. It was thick jungle everywhere, it seemed. The security got nervous with every sound – and there were a lot of those – and it was a relief when, after at least half an hour of cutting through thick vegetation and being drenched to the bone, they finally saw some sky again, or rather, some clouds. They were standing on the shore, looking at a vast expanse of sea, with only small chunks of land visible here and there.

"How much of the planet's surface is covered by water?" Kirk asked.

"Ninety-five, sir," Spock replied evenly.

"No wonder no intelligent life has developed here," the captain murmured.

"It is not impossible for higher intelligence to develop underwater, Captain," the science officer felt compelled to point out.

"I know, I know, the dolphins and stuff. Well, I think we're done here." He opened his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise, six to beam up."

As Nyota was heading to her quarters to change into dry clothing, she thought that Kirk was probably going to be a bit more careful about going ashore next time. She wondered if Spock had done it on purpose.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Okay, so not Thursday or Friday. It _was _a week, though!

I don't own anyone in this chapter.

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After their joke of an away mission, actual qualified scientists went down to find out as much as they could about the planet. As a result, the rest of the shift wasn't very thrilling. Kirk sounded a bit sullen when he explained to the betas that once all scientists were back up, they were to fly to the last remaining planet and assume standard orbit.

"Mr. Spock," he said then, "do you think you could come back here and do the sensor reading on the planet and send the scouts when the time comes? I mean, I know it's not your shift, but it seems a bit excessive to spend a whole day more here if we might not even need to send anyone down..."

Nyota sighed. Turnabout was fair play, she supposed. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who thought Spock had done it on purpose.

"I can do that, Captain, but science staff won't be available at that hour, and thus it will be impossible to make the required analysis."

Kirk grinned cheekily at him and patted him on the shoulder. "I have complete faith in your abilities," he said.

"I can do the analysis of the sensor results, sir, but I am certainly unqualified to analyse what the scouts bring in, and that is what we require to determine whether we need to send a landing party."

"Do what you can, Commander. It will save us some time at least," Kirk said and disappeared from the bridge.

Nyota sighed again. "Come on," she said. "We will at least use the time we have left to our advantage. We can eat something in my room."

Once they got there, she turned to Spock and asked, grinning at him: "_Did you do it on purpose?_"

"_Did I do what on purpose?_"

She caught his hand and pulled him down next to her on the bed. "_Not tried too hard to tell the Captain about the conditions on that class M planet_."

He smiled. "_Perhaps_."

Nyota laughed. "_In that case you deserved it – even though I agree it was probably a lesson he needed._"

"_I deserved what?_" She felt his confusion.

"_Being called to the bridge in the middle of your off shift time_," she explained.

"_Nyota, the request was entirely logical_."

She laughed. "_Maybe, but Kirk still wouldn't have made it if he hadn't wanted to get back at you_."

"_Well, then I am certainly glad that I enabled him to act so rationally_."

Nyota laughed again and kissed Spock, which meant they stopped talking until he was called back to the bridge about an hour later.

"_Come back here, when you're done_," she said, and he nodded.

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She took a shower and wrote her log before he came back. When he did, she smiled at him from the table. "Tonk'peh," she said.

"Tonk'peh, Nyota," he replied as he sat down opposite to her. "_It occurred to me that we continue speaking Vulcan in private. We started it because you needed your conversation practice, but you certainly don't need that much of it, and as I've said, I do not wish to culturally impose on you – at least, not when not necessary_."

She took his hand into hers, feeling his affection and a bit of concern. "_Don't worry about it_," she said. "_I prefer it this way. Apart from the practice being useful, I like you speaking in Vulcan – I like the sound of your voice_," she felt his surprise and smiled and boldly said, "_it's sexually stimulating_." Now there was something more than just surprise, but she wanted to at least finish the thought. "_Additionally, it makes it easier to separate our professional relationship from our work relationship. You know, one takes place in Standard, the other in Vulcan_."

He rose to approach her side of the table, and he commented: "_In that case I hope we are never on any mission on New Vulcan together – it could lead to some embarrassing experiences_."

Nyota laughed, and they took up where they left of before his job on the bridge.

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Some scientists were indeed sent down to the planet surface on Monday, suited up, and the mission went without a hitch. But at least Nyota had something to do on the bridge, monitoring their frequencies and keeping up with them. After shift, as she was walking to the gym to fulfill her fit-keeping requirements, she was intercepted by Leonard.

"Do you have a moment?"

Nyota had a very good idea what this was going to be about, and didn't particularly want to have that discussion, but she expected there was no avoiding it. "Sure," she said.

He ushered her into an empty conference room and sat down. "Are you actually serious?" He asked.

She sat down next to him and considered playing dumb for a moment, but it wouldn't really help anything. "Completely," she said instead.

"Uhura, he's a Vulcan. He cannot give you what you need from him."

Her hackles were rising, but she tried to stay civil. At least she knew that with him, it really wasn't about 'I would be better for you.' If she had any suspicions in that regard, she would have left the room already, to prevent herself from slapping him. As it was, she gritted her teeth and said: "I'll be the judge of that, thank you."

"I'm not sure you can, that's why I'm interfering." He sighed. "Look, you're probably projecting something into him, your idea of what is under that cold facade, but Uhura, it's not a facade. Cold people do always have some emotions under their calm behavior, even if it's not what you thought it would be. But Spock is not human, he is actually alien. They are not the same as us. Don't you forget that."

Nyota rolled her eyes. Did he really think she was stupid? Interspecies communication was her bloody job, how likely was it that she would forget the differences? "As you so kindly pointed out, he is a Vulcan. That means touch telepath. I can _feel_ him, Leonard."

"And you want to tell me they're incapable of projecting false images?"

All right, this was it. Nyota rose. "I agreed to talk to you out of courtesy, wanting to accommodate your worries. But let me make myself clear: this is none of your business. So stay out of it. And Leonard...I'm not sure how you even managed to get a place in Starfleet with such a xenophobic attitude, but I'm telling you now, there's no place for it here." She turned to leave.

"Wait," he said, raising too. "That's not what I meant. I don't have a problem with Vulcans. It's not that. It's just that I know they are not emotionally compatible with humans."

"Really, Leonard? You have been extremely confrontational towards Spock since the beginning, before you knew we were together. You very obviously have a problem with Vulcans. I suggest you deal with it. Privately."

And she continued on her way to the gym.

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After gym, Nyota met up with Gaila, feeling like she had been neglecting her friend for too long.

They got themselves some cocktails from the ship bar and sat down in Nyota's room.

"We've been here for a week," Gaila commented.

"I know. It seems crazy...on one hand, it's like it was much longer, on the other, I feet like I was an Academy freshman just yesterday."

"Yeah...and like you just came in our room and walked in on me having sex. That was a great beginning of a friendship, I can tell you."

They both laughed. "Well, at least I knew what I was dealing with right from the start," nyota pointed out.

Gaila rolled her eyes. "You would have seen my green skin and you would have known, Ny."

Her friend raised her eyebrows, thinking fleetingly of Spock as she did. "Gaila, you're an Orion female who refrains from using her pheromones on men around her. I wouldn't have made any assumptions at all."

Gaila laughed. "Not that I'm not sorry I'm so ethical sometimes. I mean, I do see why the others do it. It makes life much easier. Especially on Earth, where men hold positions of power – I mean on Orion, the only thing you need it for is to order the men around, which is really not quite as useful as being able to influence someone who decides your grade or your ship assignment."

"Have you ever slipped?" Nyota asked curiously.

The Orion girl nodded. "A couple of times in my first year at the Academy, but fortunately it wasn't in any major respect. I was so ashamed...I always intentionally blotched up the next test in the subject, to equal it out. I was too afraid to admit to it – they might have thrown me out, you know."

Nyota shook her head. "I don't think they would have – we discussed it with Spock once, they are rather tolerant towards freshmen and their lapses."

"Yeah, but Spock's lapse would have been something like being too logical with a teacher. Mine was making a teacher give me a better grade. That's kinda different league...but anyway, how are things going between you two?"

"Great. We're still taking it slow – don't look at me like that – but I think he's beginning to be really interested in when we stop being so cautious. I leave it up to him, to go as slowly as he wishes to. Apart from that, we talk a lot, and we are getting to know each other even better. I'm very happy."

Gaila smiled at her, then got up, walked around the table and hugged her. "I'm so glad for you, Ny. So glad."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Not much Spock/Nyota action in this one. Sorry. I'll try to remedy it next time...

Also, I don't own any of them – if I tried to imply that I owned Lt. Com. Cortez, she'd kick my ass.

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On Wednesday, there was another meeting of senior officers. Kirk seemed almost excited to hold it, which couldn't quite be said about the rest of his crew.

"So, what news from your departments? Mr. Spock?"

"We are still working on in-depth analysis of the material and data we gained in the solar system we explored. That is occupying most of the department at the moment."

"Any interesting findings?" Kirk digged hopefully.

"Nothing particularly out of the ordinary, Captain. I can give you the particular results, of course, if you're interested," Spock offered calmly.

"No, no, thank you, that won't be necessary," Kirk backtracked quickly. "How did your department meeting go?"

"Without an issue, Captain. We did encounter one problem, but that is not something I need to bother others about. I'll speak to you privately later."

"All right. Mr. Scott?" Kirk turned to another member of his crew, hoping to find something more interesting there.

"Everything's going swimmingly, sir, and the meeting was all right – we all seem to be the right kind of geeks and understand each other perfectly."

"Good, good," Kirk said, seemingly in a hurry to move on, apparently not wanting to hear any details about the geeks either. "Bones?"

His best friend frowned at him. "They're a bunch of overworked and underpaid professionals with a couple of young and twitchy nurses thrown in, but we can agree on stuff all right. I can give you lots of tedious details about different health problems of various crew member if you want."

Kirk groaned. "Lieutenant Commander Cortez?"

She nodded briefly to acknowledge her turn. "Security is running smoothly, sir. There have been no problems during the meeting. I am content with my staff."

Kirk wasn't as familiar with her as he was with the rest of his staff and she intimidated him a little to be honest – and he wasn't intimidated by many things – so he moved on. "Thank you. Mr. Chekhov?"

The young ensign smiled. "Everyting is fine, sir. I'm a bit nervous about it all, but I hope it vill be all right."

Kirk nodded. "I'm sure it will be. Maybe you can talk to Commander Spock about it, he might give you some tips on running departments, he's been doing it longer than anyone else here – except maybe for Lietenant Commander Cortez? I'm sorry, I'm not sure about your experience with this..."

"This is my first assignment as a head of department, sir," she said shortly. "I have only led smaller teams on away missions before."

"All right. Commander Spock it is, then." Chekhov looked like he'd rather jump off the bridge of the Enterprise. "Lietenant Uhura?"

"The department seems to be working fine, sir," Nyota stated. "I have successfully selected my senior staff."

Kirk frowned. "What do you mean, selected? That should be a given, shouldn't it?"

Nyota smiled bitterly. Yeah, she'd think that, too. "Yes, but you see, while I was given the position of the communications officer, I am still a lieutenant. Everyone else in my department is a lieutenant too. So it's not based on rank..."

"Come to think of it, that's really strange," Kirk interrupted her, seeming grateful to find something to sink his teeth into. "I mean, I went from cadet to captain and all of you just kept your ranks, didn't you? None of you were promoted?"

They shook their heads, except for Scotty, who said, "Well, I was pulled from Delta Vega, so I definitely count that as a promotion."

"Yeah, but what about the rest of you? Chekhov, you're still an ensign, right? How do you even run your department?"

Chekhov seemed at a loss as to what to answer.

"Never mind. My question is, how come every bridge officer who went through Nero wasn't promoted? I can't imagine anyone who'd deserve this more." He shook his head. "We won't solve this here, but I'll make sure to ask about it once we come back to Earth. Al right, so that's all of you. Now as for the upcoming mission...it's just some mind-numbing transport stuff. Nothing to worry about. Prepare for the tedious details..."

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After the meeting was concluded, Kirk turned to Spock. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, Captain. There was an unexpected problem with files concerning the solar system we were tracking. They were supposed to be available to my department, yet they were registered as confidential, only for bridge officers' eyes. I analysed them in detail and there was no reason for that. There must have been some computer security problem."

Kirk nodded. "All right, I will talk to Scotty about it, I'm sure he'll assign someone to deal with it."

"Thank you, Captain. May I go?"

"One more thing, Mr. Spock. Do you have any thoughts on what I said before? Why weren't any of you promoted? You, being a commander already before the crisis, should be an admiral by now, for Christ's sake!"

"As for me in particular, I was indeed offered promotion, which I refused."

"You refused a promotion?" Kirk asked rather loudly. Then he lowered his voice and asked: "Why?"

"As a Captain, I would get my own ship," Spock explained. "I never particularly desired that, since it would mean giving up scientific work, and it would also mean I would not serve on the Enterprise."

Kirk nodded in understanding. "All right, but what about the others?"

Spock hesitated for a moment. "I do have a theory, Captain, but I am not certain you'd wish to hear it."

"Spill it, Spock."

Spock raised his eyebrow at the phrasing, but answered: "Admiral Pike is your good friend and mentor. He has a personal interest in you, and he knew your father. He pulled some strings. He personally requested you to be the new captain of the Enterprise, as far as I know. After what he went through, no one wanted to refuse him, and you _were_ a hero. The other members of the crew, however, had no one so interested in them among the admiralty. They were confirmed in the bridge positions they held during the crisis, because it is a well known military fact that human crews which have been through a difficult time together work better as a team, as illogical as it is, and so it would have been ineffective to divide them after you have been confirmed as captain...but promoting them? That would be going a step further."

The captain sighed. "You're right, I don't particularly like the feeling that I'm here because someone pulled strings for me. I'd much prefer to think I'm here because of my abilities, but that would be kinda offensive to the rest of them – I know they are all good, and yet none of them was promoted..."

Spock tilted his head to the side. "Captain, I do not believe it is possible to just go from cadet to captain on your own abilities. That is simply not how Starfleet works."

"You're probably right. I'll just have to prove they made the right decision in listening to Pike..."

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"_Did you refuse the promotion because of me, Spock?_" Nyota asked the moment they were alone.

"_Partly,_" he said. "_There were additional reasons_."

"_What reasons_?"

"_Well, I wouldn't have been particularly inclined to accept it in any situation. I don't want to be a captain of my own ship. Additionally, I wanted to serve on the Enterprise. Not just because of you, but because of the rest of the crew too...and because of Captain Kirk_."

Nyota smiled. "_Who would have thought..._"

Spock acknowledged her amusement with a not; there was some cause for it. "_It is connected to what I told you that evening we thought we were saying our farewells. I do indeed think he is uncommonly suited for command. On the other hand, he does have his weaknesses, and I believe I can help balance them out – just as he balances out mine. I can see the potential in the two of us working together. This was further confirmed by my alternate-reality self_."

That made nyota curious. "_Really? What did he say?_"

"_We were best friends there, extremely close, apparently. We're far from it still here and now, and it might never happen in this reality, but I do admit that the possibility is intriguing._"

Nyota's smile broadened: "_Don't you mean 'fascinating'?_"

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"Mr. Scott, can I have a moment of your time, please?" Spock asked a couple of days later, catching the Chief of Engineering in the middle of his lair, just by the warp core.

"Of course, Commander, what do you need?"

"It is nothing strictly work-related, I only want to indulge my curiosity," Spock admitted.

"Come sit in my office, Commander. I hardly ever use it, but it might be good for this..." Mr. Scott led the way, and once they sat down, he turned back to Spock. "So, what is it?"

"Well, from what I understand, the Captain found you on Delta Vega, tending to a Federation outpost with just one assistant. Yet you seem to be an extremely skilled professional in your field. So, my question is...how did that happen?"

"Oh, yes, that." Mr. Scott seemed a bit embarrassed, if Spock interpreted his facial expression correctly. "Well, sir, to be honest, it was a punishment. You see, I got into an argument with my advisor on relativistic physics and subspace travel, and things got a little heated, and in a moment of strong excitement, I tested my argument on Admiral Archer's prized beagle. And, well, it appears it wasn't as fool-proof as I thought it was. The argument, I mean. The dog is lost, and the Admiral wasn't happy, and, well, there I was on Delta Vega."

Spock tilted his head to the side. "Who was your advisor, Mr. Scott?"

"Captain Tan."

The Vulcan raised his eyebrows. "Then I can certainly understand that you entered a heated argument with him."

Mr. Scott coughed. "Yes, well, I can get quite worked up too, so it wasn't just about him being a Tellarite. I'm sorry about the dog, though," he paused. "You probably don't remember me from the Academy, sir, but I do remember you. Some of your articles on field physics were crucial for my work."

"Then I'm glad they were helpful. Were you teaching any courses?"

"Just one, Advanced Theory of Subspace Travel. It was an elective," the Chief of Engineering said in a tone Spock associated with modesty.

"Indeed. I am aware there was a course like that – I remember considering it interesting, but it collided with my own schedule, and so I was unable to go there to see for myself. Consequently, I did not even find out who was teaching the course – it seemed unnecessary."

Lieutenant Commander Scott smiled. "I'm glad you didn't come to see me teaching, sir, it would have made me awfully nervous."

Spock's eyebrows went up again. "I do not see why. After all, it was apparently your skills that made it possible for you and the Captain to return to the Enterprise during the Nero crisis. You have no reason to be self-conscious."

"Well, only partly, sir. I mean, there was this old Vulcan, and he did say it was me who invented the transwarp beaming, but, you know, in the future, and in the present, it was him who had the right equations, so..."

Spock paused. This was certainly fascinating.

"That just means your genius showed slightly later, then. It does not change the fundamental facts," he said at length. "Tell me, do you have any published articles I could read?"


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Not that much Spock/Uhura here either, but it's a deep breath before the jump.

Also, I don't own any of them. Uhura's mother would certainly not agree to being owned.

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„Can you actually believe it?" Gaila said a couple of days later as she was sitting with Nyota in her quarters. "I mean, there are twenty people in the IT division of the department, but no, he has to pick me to work with Kirk."

"He's the captain now, Gaila-" Nyota started half-heartedly.

"No shit. He's still the jerk who used me to hack his test."

Nyota raised her eyebrow in one of her many Spockisms. "You are aware he saved the Earth, right?"

Gaila shrugged. "Yeah. And I respect him as captain, I really do. But that's completely different from him sitting next to me at my station, looking over my shoulder as I work. Don't you understand? He's the captain and I'm still angry at him, but his pheromones are as strong as ever."

"Oh. Crap."

"Precisely."

Nyota thought for a moment. "Well, if it is of any consolation, I'm pretty sure he's having almost as much trouble as you do. Normally, he'd try to flirt his way out of the situation, but he knows he can't now. It must be extremely awkward for him."

"I could well do without it being awkward for him if I could avoid it being awkward for me!"

Nyota grimaced. "Sorry."

"Yeah, well, nothing you can do about it." She shook her head: "Only two weeks in, and I already get in a situation like this. I mean, it's not fair! I never slept with any teachers at the Academy, or officers, or ever grad students, precisely because I was afraid of this, but who knew you can get into this kind of trouble when you sleep with a guy who's a year younger than you?"

"Yes, the only way to be sure is abstinence."

Gaila just stuck out her tongue, and said: "You're just one accident away from a much bigger problem. If something happened to Kirk, Spock would be the captain, and then where would you be?"

Hmm. Nyota wondered what the regulations said about that – if your partner became the captain during a mission, were you supposed to break up or what? She changed the topic, not liking the new direction of the conversation much. "Is there something you miss about Earth so far?"

"The space," Gaila said immediately, then laughed. "It sounds stupid, doesn't it? I don't mean like deep space, I mean like living space. Everything is so small here – you room is practically huge compared to mine," Nyota laughed at that, since she got almost claustrophobic every time she entered it – but it was true that it was approximately twice as large as Gaila's. "It's not like I was used to wide open spaces at home, but this is a bit crowded."

"Then imagine how I must feel – I was born with the savannah in my blood!" Nyota shrugged. "But I guess we are compensated with the space behind our windows. That gives me an immense sense of freedom."

"I envy you. My imagination is probably not enough for that – I need actual space to move."

"Then sign up for the first shore leave..."

"That's still at least two months away," Gaila pointed out.

"True. But having something to look forward to is always a good thing, right?"

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The reminder that she had been in space for two weeks made Nyota think of her parents, and she arranged to for a call to them one morning before her shift. As the head of department, she could have easily made room for her call whenever she wanted, but she waited patiently for a free spot, which was only few days away. Then she shut the door of the com booth after her and dialed home.

"Ny!" Her mother exclaimed when she saw her on the screen. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Mum. You?"

"As always, as always. Nothing new or exciting happening here, you're the one who's in space! I want to hear the stories!"

Nyota smiled. "Nothing particularly new and exciting here either, at least nothing mission-related."

"And otherwise?" Her mother asked immediately.

"Well..." Nyota took a deep breath. She knew she was going to get quite a reaction, and she steeled herself for it. "I'm in a relationship."

Her mother blinked a couple of times. "A romantic relationship?" She asked then, carefully.

"Yes."

Her mother's face brightened by a smile so wide it threatened to split it in half. "Oh, tell me everything! Who is he? Or she? How did you meet? How long have you been together? Is he from you department?"

"He couldn't be from my department, then I'd be his commanding officer and it would be against Starfleet regulations. No, actually...you were right with your suspicions all along."

"My suspicions?" Her mother seemed confused.

"I'm with Commander Spock."

Her mother stared. "Your Vulcan teacher?" She clarified.

"He's not my teacher any more, he's the First Officer of the Enterprise now, but yes."

"Wow, Nyota, when you go for it, you really go for it, don't you? A Vulcan, the first officer of your ship – the highest you can go, since captains cannot date any of their subordinates – and the son of Ambassador Sarek of the High Council."

Nyota blinked. "Mother, you are aware I am not with him for any of these reasons, aren't you?"

"Of course! It's just that if some list of titles spelled unattainable to me, it would be this one. Not that I am very surprised, though. You are amazing. After all, you are my daughter."

The daughter in question laughed. "Right."

Her mother grew serious. "How is he? After the loss of Vulcan and his mother, I mean..."

Nyota sighed. "Frankly, I'm not sure. I don't want to talk about it unless he starts, I don't want to disturb him unnecessarily, so..."

"Maybe you should. He is a Vulcan, he will find it difficult to ask for emotional help, but he will need it, in all likelihood."

Another sigh. "You're probably right. It's just that it scares me a bit – what if I don't know what to say in the face of his sadness and despair? What if I can't help him?"

Mwezi Uhura frowned. "I didn't raise you to be a coward, Nyota. Go and talk to him. It is your responsibility."

"Yes, mother," Nyota said heavily, knowing her mother was right.

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She put it off for another couple of days, telling herself she was busy with the new mission, which was surveying a planet inhabited by intelligent warp-incapable humanoids, among other things, and so _was_ relatively challenging for her. She had to listen to recordings that came through from cloaked scouts sent out in the atmosphere, and then separate actual language from other sounds that were picked up. She was hardly on the bridge these days, instead working in her department with the best people she had, both technicians and linguist. They needed to be quick so that the scouts could be reprogrammed to focus on what they identified as language, and thus get clearer recordings. Later, there would be plenty of time to attempt and decipher the language.

However, once the mission was over, there were no more excuses left, and so she just allowed herself one evening to rest, and then she went to see Spock, fully determined to open the topic.

Of course, with the way the physical aspect of their relationship was progressing, it was getting easier and easier to get distracted. When Spock's skilled fingers were playing with her nipples, it was rather hard to force herself to ask how he felt about his dead mother.

After they grew a bit more tired and relaxed, however, she did force herself to say: "_Spock...I wanted to...well, I guess I just wanted to ask if you were all right. I don't want to talk about the immeasurable loss, I don't want to stir bad memories, but it occurred to me_," she didn't think it a good idea to mention it was suggested by her mother, "_that you might need to talk about it._"

He didn't answer for a long time, but through their holding hands, she could feel that he was considering his answer. "_I am not certain that I am capable of talking about it_," he said at length. "_Once we meld, you will have an answer to your question...and perhaps that will enable me to discuss it._"

Nyota nodded. "_That's another thing I wanted to bring up, anyway,_" she said. "_The meld. I understand there is no hurry, but I want to meld with you. Also, seeing where our physical relationship is headed, it would probably be wise to do it soon_."

He nodded in acknowledgement. "_You are correct. I wish to start with a partial meld, if you do not mind, and then after some time, if you are agreeable, we can attempt the full one_."

"_All right then. When do we do it?_" Nyota asked excitedly.

"_When do you wish to?_"

She smiled. "_How about now?_"

He shook his head slowly. "_I need to prepare, to meditate on it. But I could be ready in three days, if that suits you?_"

"_Sure. I can't wait, to be honest_."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: I'm so, so sorry for being so late with this! We're leaving for holiday in a week and things have gotten a bit hectic. I'll try to compensate with an additional chapter next week, but I don't want to promise anything.

I don't own any of them. Enjoy!

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„Uhura, may I speak with you for a moment?" Leonard said just as Nyota was about to leave the mess hall with Spock.

She sighed, but nodded and turned to her Vulcan. "_I'll be over in a moment, it should not take long – fifteen minutes at the most,_" she estimated.

"_Very well_," Spock said simply and left them without further comment.

Nyota turned to Leonard. "Well?"

"Somewhere private," he specified, and so she followed him to his office.

This could go two ways, she mulled on the way as they were silent. Either he was going to insist, or he was going to apologize. If he was going to insist, Nyota seriously considered reporting him to Kirk – she didn't have much faith in the captain's ethics, but this was one of the things he really was cool about, and he could help setting Leonard to rights.

Once they arrived to their destination, the doctor turned to her. He was obviously nervous – he folded his hands and unfolded them again, made a step back and then another step forward, and then finally he said: "I wanted to apologize for before." He paused, and Nyota exhaled in relief. She much preferred this alternative. "You are right, I was out of line, and I was being specieist."

She decided not to sugar-coat it, and so she just nodded and said: "It's not me you need to apologise to, Leonard, or not just me."

He looked away. "I know, but that will take a bit longer. Can you understand?"

Reluctantly, Nyota nodded again.

"I promise I will try to apologise some day." He sighed. "I miss Rachel."

Nyota closed her eyes, leaning on his desk. "I know. I miss her too."

Leonard sad down, explaining: "She was my moral compass, you see. She was the one who helped me keep my emotions in check, not to follow every emotional impulse I got. I always feel very moral when I'm angry about something, very justified, and she could explain why I was wrong very effectively."

Nyota knew precisely what he meant. "She was very sensitive about these things. She always told me when I was too dismissive of someone, too hard on them, too unfeeling, and she was nearly always right." She sighed. "I think we should both find a replacement." She paused. "God, that sounds terrible. Of course no one can ever replace Rachel, but...we need people who'd do that for us now, if we don't want to drive everyone around us crazy."

"As I have so masterfully shown," Leonard said bitterly.

Nyota smiled at him encouragingly and left him to his thoughts.

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When she came to Spock's quarters, he was meditating, so she sat at the table and concentrated on her log as she waited for him to be done. When he was, he sat down opposite to her and said: "_I believe I am ready for the partial meld, if you really wish to go through with it_."

She nodded. "_I do. Though perhaps there are things we should discuss before?_"

"_We may if you wish, but this kind of meld will only show what we wish to be seen. Discussions of the sort you seem to have in mind are more important before the full meld._"

Another nod. "_All right then. In that case, I'm ready._"

Spock rose and motioned her to the bed, where he sat down, with her next to him. He raised his hand and looked into her eyes, and she smiled and nodded. He traced her features with his hand for a moment, and then he put his fingers to the correct points and spoke the words: "_Your mind to my mind, your thoughts to my thoughts._"

And suddenly she could feel him, much more distinctly than she ever could through their fingers. She saw his soft question, _everything all right?_, and she confirmed that it was. She could feel him holding back, and she mentally smiled as she sent him her love. He sent back his pleasure and gratitude, and it was nice and pleasant, but that was not what she wanted to see in return. _Spock?_ She thought at him. _I want to see your feelings for me_.

She could feel his mental pause. _Are you sure, Nyota?_ That threw her. Her emotion was so strong that he felt it without her intentionally sending it to him, and he apologized. _Please, do not feel that I don't care for you_, he said. _But remember what I told you before, that you'd understand some things after you melded with me. Are you certain you are ready for that? I do not want to pressure you in any way, or interfere with the natural progress of your affection._

_Spock_, she replied, _you're interfering now. You're making me freak out. Now I just have to see, or I will worry and fret._

There was a complete mental silence from him for a moment, and then: _Very well_.

And then she felt it.

She was flooded, overwhelmed, drowning in it, it was sweeping her away, and she was loosing herself in the feeling of his love and passion and desire and everything was just too much. She didn't know who she was anymore, where she ended and he started, she didn't feel the firm floor under her feet anymore, she was whirling away and away, into darkness...

When she became aware of her surroundings again, she and Spock were no longer in mental contact and she was crying.

"_I apologize_," Spock said, "_perhaps my warning should have been more detailed_."

Nyota just shook her head, unable to speak, crying even harder now. She was really trying to stop, she really was, she knew Spock couldn't deal with this, but she couldn't make herself, and so in her desperation, she grabbed his hand ad put it to her face again. He seemed hesitant, but at the pleading look of her tear-filled eyes, he said the words again and she could feel his shadowy presence.

Here in her mind, at least, she could express herself.

She sent him the feeling that was consuming her right now. There was only one word to describe it: inadequateness.

He sent her back a question.

She was more in control now, and so more articulate. _How can I ever return that, Spock?_ She asked. _How can I ever match that? You were right, I understand perfectly now why you didn't treat my affection seriously and thought it might pass at any time in the future. How can I take myself seriously? When I have seen this..._

She felt his guilt, and she quickly said, _No. I asked, and I insisted. But...how can you bear it? How can you bear that I do not love you back the way you deserve? It just...my feelings, they just feel like they were a mere silly crush compared to what you feel..._

_It is not like that_, he replied. _Vulcan feelings have something of a binary nature. They take long to appear, and once they do, they blossom extremely quickly into full force. Yours are different. They start soon enough after meeting a person, and take their time to deepen and blossom. That is why I wanted to wait for you to see this, because in time, your feelings will grow more similar to mine._

_How can you know that?_

_I have been in my mother's mind. I know human emotions are fully capable of being as strong as Vulcan in time, at least in its good aspects._

_What do you mean, good aspects?_

_There is a darker side to this, one you were perhaps unable to notice because you were so overwhelmed. There is a kind of passion that is almost violent, or sometimes directly violent, and there is a lot of jealousy too. I do not think you can feel it as strongly as we do – or at least, when you do, it is pathological in humans._

Nyota could not quite block her worry at hearing this.

_Don't you see, Nyota? What we say about the philosophies of Surak, that they were necessary for our survival, it is no hyperbole. That is what Vulcan emotional control is about, it is not simply some narcissist fascination with looking calm and composed. That is what Vulcan society would be like without it, had been like without it – imagine a society composed entirely of pathologically jealous violent sexual aggressors. That can not be functional. But we _do_ manage to control it. _

_Even during Pon Farr?_

He mentally sighed. _That is a difficult problem_, he admitted. _Sexual violence is a common part of it. Vulcan women can take it, and in that state, they even enjoy it. With you, I will have to exercise a great deal of caution and even perhaps be under control of some drugs. I will consult my father in this soon enough, but I want to allow him some time to grieve first, without reminding him of Mother._

Nyota successfully managed to shield the thought that she admired how he didn't mind thinking about the idea of his father being sexually violent towards his mother. His mother who was now dead, to make it worse. _Of course_, she said. _There is still time, from what you said. I will try not to be nervous about it. After all, the Vulcan society still works, so it must mean your emotional control is very strong and can hold._ She paused. _I'm reminded of Semele, actually. Do you know the tale?_

_I do not believe I do._

_She was a lover of Zeus, one of the ancient Greek gods. Hera, Zeus' jealous wife, told her to ask him to come to her as he comes to Hera herself. Semele did, and insisted...Zeus appeared as a bolt of lighting, and Semele died. She couldn't take it._

_You will not end up like Semele, Nyota. I promise you that._

_I trust you._

She felt Spock's mental smile. _Now_, he said, _I wonder what sort of shield would Semele need to withstand the direct hit with the lighting._

Nyota couldn't help it, she started laughing. Even though the metaphor _was_ uncanny.


End file.
